Parenting Tips: Ways to praise your kids without labels

August 31, 2026 - 22:10

Many parents fall into the habit of saying "good job" or "you are so smart" after every small win. But child psychologist Dr. Rozmid says that kind of praise can actually backfire. Labeling kids, even with positive words, puts pressure on them to keep meeting that label. A child who hears "you are so smart" might start avoiding hard tasks because they fear looking dumb if they fail.

Instead, Dr. Rozmid suggests focusing on effort and specific actions. Rather than saying "great game," try "I saw how hard you kept trying on defense." This teaches kids that their work matters more than the outcome. It also helps them build a growth mindset, where challenges feel like learning opportunities rather than threats.

Another tip is to praise privately and quietly. Over-the-top praise in front of others can make a child feel embarrassed or anxious. A simple, calm "I noticed you shared your toy without being asked" can mean more than a loud cheer.

Dr. Rozmid also warns against praising things a child cannot control, like their looks or natural talent. Instead, highlight choices they made, like picking up their toys or helping a sibling. That way, kids learn that their actions shape who they are, not some fixed trait.

Finally, it is okay to skip praise altogether sometimes. Just being present and saying "tell me more about that" can be more encouraging than any label. Kids need to feel seen for who they are, not just for what they do. For more guidance, parents can look up Dr. Rozmid at claritycbt.com.