“Don’t you EVER say no?”: what to do when your grandchild is getting away with murder (plus 4 things a grandparent can NEVER say)

March 25, 2026 - 01:37

The arrival of a grandchild brings immense joy, but it can also introduce unexpected tensions, particularly around differing parenting styles. A new exploration into contemporary grandparenthood highlights these common dilemmas, asking what a grandparent should do when they profoundly disagree with how their grandchild is being raised.

The central challenge lies in respecting the parents' authority while managing the instinct to intervene. Witnessing a grandchild "getting away with murder" or being subjected to a parenting approach that seems overly permissive or strict can be deeply frustrating. However, the dynamics have shifted; today's grandparents are often advised to offer support rather than unsolicited criticism.

Crucially, certain phrases can instantly damage these delicate relationships. Absolute directives like "You're spoiling that child," or dismissive comments such as "We never did it that way, and you turned out fine," often backfire. Similarly, making promises or decisions that override parental rules, or using guilt as a tool, can create lasting conflict.

The key is mindful communication and establishing clear boundaries. Successful grandparenting now frequently involves asking the parents what their rules are and consistently following them, even if privately disagreed with. It means offering help without strings attached and providing a loving, safe space that complements, rather than undermines, the primary home. Ultimately, it is about building a treasured bond within the framework the parents have set, focusing on the unique joys that only this special role can provide.