When You Feel Like Your Own Parent Was Better Than You

24 October 2025

Ever find yourself looking at your child and suddenly thinking, “Wow, my parents were so much better at this than I am”? Don’t worry — you’re not alone. This thought creeps in more often than we’d like to admit. Whether it’s how calm your mom stayed when everything was on fire (sometimes literally) or how your dad always seemed to know the right thing to say — comparing ourselves to our parents can hit us like a ton of bricks.

But here’s the thing: parenting isn't a competition. It’s a rollercoaster filled with incredible highs, surprising turns, and yes — moments of self-doubt. So if you're feeling like your own parent outdid you in the parenting department, let’s unpack that together.

Why This Thought Even Crosses Your Mind

The Myth of the “Super Parent” Memory

Think back to your childhood. Chances are you remember your parents being more composed, more patient, or more capable. But were they really? Or are you looking through a filter — kind of like Instagram, but for your memories.

Our brains tend to smooth over the rough parts of the past. Just like how we barely remember the sleepless nights of newbornhood after our babies start sleeping through the night, we romanticize how our own parents handled things.

Truth: Your parents were probably figuring it out just like you are now. You just didn’t see their internal meltdowns or the guilt storms that kept them up at night.

Social Media and the Comparison Trap

Let’s be real — social media doesn’t help. We scroll through perfectly posed family photos, elaborate birthday parties, and highlight reels of parenting wins. Mix that with your own memories of your parents and suddenly, you're buried in unrealistic standards.

But here’s the kicker — most people only show the shiny parts. No one’s posting the yelling matches over homework or the ruined dinner that ended in cereal for everyone (we’ve all been there, right?).

The Different Playing Field We’re On

Times Have Changed — A Lot

Let’s call out the obvious: parenting today is a completely different ballgame.

Your parents didn’t have to worry about screen time limits, social media influences, or cyberbullying. They weren’t juggling remote work and distance learning during a global pandemic. And mental health? That wasn’t even on the radar in most households back then.

They were flying their own plane, and now you’re piloting yours — through stormier, more complicated skies.

We're Doing More — And That’s Exhausting

Modern parenting comes with a side order of pressure. We're expected to be emotionally available, financially stable, physically healthy, environmentally conscious, and oh yeah — joyful, too.

That's a tall order. It’s no wonder you feel like you're falling short compared to your own parents who, let’s face it, probably didn’t have access to a dozen parenting books that contradicted each other. They just did what they could, and so are you.

Reflecting on What You Admired

What Did They Do Right?

Take a second and think: What was it that made you look up to your parent? Was it their patience? Their ability to provide? The way they made you feel safe?

Write it down. Yeah, actually write it out. Seeing it on paper might show you that you’re embodying more of those traits than you realized.

Maybe your dad always made time for bedtime stories — and you’ve been doing the same, even after the longest day ever. Or maybe your mom was a fierce protector, and now you find yourself going full mama bear when your kid’s feelings are hurt.

Chances are, you’re carrying on more of those positive parenting qualities than you think.

What Would They Do Differently Today?

Now flip the coin. There were probably things your parents did that you’ve chosen NOT to do. Maybe they were stricter about emotions or avoided sensitive topics. You’ve stepped up in a new way — talking through feelings, listening more, breaking cycles.

That growth? That’s parenting evolution. And it matters just as much as the things you’re trying to emulate.

The Reality: They Struggled, Too

You Didn't See Their Self-Doubt

Think about this: when you were a kid, did it ever look like your parents didn’t know what they were doing? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t have their doubts. They just hid it well.

Back then, vulnerability wasn’t as openly shared. They didn’t have parenting blogs or Facebook groups to admit they were overwhelmed. But under the surface? They probably wrestled with all the same “Am I enough?” thoughts.

Just because you’re voicing your doubts and being open about your imperfections doesn’t mean you’re doing worse — it means you’re human. And that's a good thing.

Let’s Talk About “Better”

Define What “Better” Really Means

“Better” is such a tricky word. Better at what? Keeping the house clean? Being emotionally available? Cooking from scratch?

Before you slap the “not as good” label on yourself, get clear on what measuring stick you’re using. And ask yourself, is it fair? Is it even yours — or one that was handed to you by someone else?

Being a good parent isn't about baking Pinterest-worthy cupcakes or having calm conversations every single time. It’s about showing up, loving hard, and doing your best — even when your best doesn’t feel like enough.

Break Free From the Comparison Game

When you compare yourself to your parents — or anyone, really — you lose sight of your own unique strengths.

You might not have your dad’s steady hand with car repairs, but maybe you’re the kind of parent who reads every night without fail. You might not cook big dinners like your mom did, but you’re the one who champions your child’s mental health like it’s a sport.

Different doesn’t mean worse. It just means different. And maybe that’s okay.

How to Feel More Confident in Your Own Parenting

Embrace the Messy Moments

Let’s not sugarcoat it — parenting is messy. There will be days when your patience runs out, when dinner burns, when homework gets forgotten, and when you yell even though you promised you wouldn’t.

That doesn’t define you. It’s part of the package. What matters more than anything is what you do after the messy moments. Do you apologize? Do you reconnect? Do you keep trying? That’s what your kids will remember.

Focus on Your Strengths

Instead of obsessing over what you’re not doing perfectly, double down on what you’re great at. Are you a great listener? Do you crack jokes that make your kids belly laugh? Do you make killer fortresses out of couch cushions?

Own it. That stuff matters. A LOT.

Build Your Own Legacy

You’re not here to be a clone of your parent. You’re here to be you — to build a legacy that’s uniquely yours.

So maybe your kid won’t remember home-cooked meals every night, but they’ll remember the way you always made them feel heard. Maybe they won’t brag about your chore charts, but they'll remember those 10-minute dance parties in the kitchen.

Your version of parenting might look different — but it’s shaping someone’s childhood in the most incredible way.

Talking to Your Kids About "Good Enough"

Here’s a wild thought: What if we told our kids that we don’t always feel like we have it all figured out?

What if we showed them that being a parent doesn’t require perfection — just love, honesty, and doing your best?

By being honest about our own struggles and showing our kids how to grow through imperfection, we’re teaching them one of the most valuable life skills there is — resilience.

Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Grace

It’s okay to think your parents had it more together. It’s also okay to realize they didn’t — and either way, it doesn’t make you less.

You are parenting in a new era, with new challenges and new tools. You’re navigating uncharted waters with courage, creativity, and compassion.

So the next time you feel like your own parent was better than you, pause for a moment. Take a breath. Look at your kid — really look.

If they feel loved, safe, and seen — you’re doing more than enough.

And honestly? You’re probably doing better than you think.