What to Do When Your Parenting Style Isn’t Working

1 December 2025

Parenting is one of the toughest yet most rewarding jobs out there. But let's be honest—sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your parenting approach just isn’t cutting it. Maybe your kids push back constantly, or perhaps they seem distant and unresponsive. If you're feeling frustrated and wondering what to do when your parenting style isn’t working, you're not alone. Every parent hits this roadblock at some point. The good news? You can adjust and find a better approach that suits both you and your child.

In this guide, we'll break down why parenting styles fail, signs that it’s time for a change, and practical steps to make parenting smoother and more effective.

Signs That Your Parenting Style Isn’t Working

Before making any adjustments, you need to recognize the signs that suggest your current approach needs a rethink. Here are some red flags:

1. Constant Power Struggles

Are you always butting heads with your child? If every little request turns into a battle, it could mean your parenting style isn’t resonating with them.

2. Frequent Meltdowns and Defiance

A child who regularly throws tantrums, talks back, or refuses to listen may not be responding well to your discipline or guidance.

3. Lack of Communication

If your child avoids talking to you about their feelings or problems, it might be a sign that your approach doesn’t encourage open dialogue.

4. You're Feeling Burnt Out and Frustrated

Parenting shouldn’t feel like a never-ending struggle. If you're constantly exhausted, drained, or doubting yourself, something needs to change.

5. Your Child Seems Unhappy or Withdrawn

If your child is consistently moody, disconnected, or seems unhappy, your parenting style could be missing their emotional needs.

Recognizing these signs is the first step towards a better parenting dynamic.

Why Parenting Styles Fail

Not every parenting style works for every child. Here’s why some approaches backfire:

1. One-Size-Fits-All Doesn’t Work

What works for one child won’t necessarily work for another. Each child has a unique personality, temperament, and way of processing the world.

2. Rigidity Creates Resistance

If you're too rigid with rules or expectations, your child may resist simply because they feel controlled. Flexibility is key to effective parenting.

3. Lack of Emotional Connection

Discipline without connection often leads to rebellion. Kids need to feel heard, understood, and valued, not just managed.

4. Ignoring Communication Styles

Some kids respond well to direct instructions, while others need gentle guidance. Not tailoring your communication to your child’s needs can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.

5. Parenting Based on Fear or Guilt

Sometimes, we parent the way we were raised—either repeating patterns that didn't work or going in the complete opposite direction. Parenting from a place of fear or guilt rarely yields positive results.

Once you understand why your parenting style might not be working, you can start making adjustments.

What to Do When Your Parenting Style Isn’t Working

If you’ve realized your current approach isn’t effective, don’t panic! Here’s how to shift gears and create a better dynamic with your child.

1. Re-evaluate Your Parenting Approach

Step back and analyze what’s not working. Are you too lenient or too strict? Do you need to listen more? Identifying the root issue is crucial before making changes.

2. Understand Your Child’s Needs and Personality

Every child is different, and understanding their personality can help tailor your approach. Do they need more structure, emotional support, or independence? Observe how they respond to different interactions.

3. Adjust Your Communication Style

Sometimes, it’s not what we say but how we say it. If your child isn't responding well to your instructions, try using positive reinforcement, active listening, and open-ended questions to encourage conversation.

4. Be Flexible and Willing to Adapt

Parenting isn’t about sticking to one method forever. As your child grows, their needs change. Be open to adjusting your techniques as needed.

5. Set Clear but Realistic Boundaries

Kids thrive with structure, but overly strict rules can backfire. Set clear, fair expectations while allowing some room for flexibility.

6. Connect Before You Correct

If discipline is your go-to move, pause and check in emotionally first. A child who feels connected to their parent is more likely to listen and cooperate.

7. Encourage Open Dialogue

Let your child feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions. If they feel they can talk to you without fear of judgment, they’ll be more willing to cooperate.

8. Seek Support or Professional Guidance

If you’re truly struggling, don’t hesitate to seek advice. Parenting books, online communities, or professional counseling can offer new perspectives and strategies.

Shifting to a More Effective Parenting Style

Now that we've explored what to do when your parenting style isn’t working, let’s look at specific parenting styles and how they can be adjusted for better outcomes.

1. If You're Too Strict (Authoritarian Parenting)

- Give your child more opportunities to express themselves.
- Reduce unnecessary rules and focus on the most important boundaries.
- Show empathy instead of just enforcing discipline.

2. If You’re Too Lenient (Permissive Parenting)

- Set clearer expectations and follow through with consequences.
- Offer guidance instead of giving in to every demand.
- Encourage responsibility by teaching accountability.

3. If You’re Uninvolved (Neglectful Parenting)

- Spend more quality time with your child.
- Make an effort to be more engaged in their daily activities.
- Show affection and offer emotional support.

4. If You’re Balanced but Struggling (Authoritative Parenting)

- Ensure you're actively listening to your child’s concerns.
- Stay patient—parenting is a long game!
- Keep reinforcing positive behaviors consistently.

No parenting style is perfect, and every child responds differently. The key is to stay flexible and open to change.

Final Thoughts

Parenting isn’t about getting it right 100% of the time—it’s about learning, adjusting, and growing alongside your child. If your parenting style isn’t working, don’t see it as failure. Instead, view it as an opportunity to refine your approach and create a stronger, healthier relationship with your child.

Every child is different, and no single method fits all. By staying open-minded and willing to adapt, you’ll find a parenting style that works for both you and your child, ensuring a happier, more harmonious home.

Remember, being a great parent isn’t about perfection; it’s about being present, patient, and willing to change when necessary. You’ve got this!