Finding Time for Yourself While Raising Kids on Your Own

28 November 2024

Raising kids on your own is no small feat. Whether you're a single parent by choice, circumstance, or life just took an unexpected turn, it can be overwhelming. Between school runs, meal preps, work (if that’s part of your juggle), and everything in between, finding time for yourself can often feel like locating a needle in a haystack.

However, here’s the thing: just because you're a parent doesn’t mean you stop being YOU. The endless tasks and responsibilities can easily overshadow self-care, but it’s essential to carve out some ‘you time.’ Trust me when I say you're not alone in this. Every parent needs time for themselves—especially solo parents. Let's dive into how you can make that happen.

Why Time for Yourself Matters

Before we go into logistics, let's talk about WHY you need personal time. After all, with all the things on your to-do list, it might seem selfish to prioritize yourself, right? Wrong—so wrong.

Imagine you’re driving a car with a rapidly depleting fuel gauge. You can keep pushing forward, but eventually, the car will stop. Parenting is no different. You need to refuel—physically, mentally, and emotionally—so you can be the best version of yourself for your kids.

When you take time for yourself, you’ll:
- Be less stressed and more patient (and we all know patience is a parent’s superpower!)
- Improve your emotional resilience so little hiccups won’t seem like huge hurdles
- Build a positive example for your kids, teaching them that self-care is important

The Struggles of Finding Time

Before we dive into tips, let’s address the elephant in the room: finding time when your schedule already feels like it’s been jam-packed absolutely everywhere. Between the school drop-offs, work deadlines, and bedtime routines, it’s easy to wonder, “Where do I even find this magical ‘me time’?"

I get it. Many parents feel the same way. And if you're a solo parent, it can feel even tougher since you don’t have a partner to help shoulder the load. But here’s the secret: It might not be about finding more time; it’s about rediscovering and reclaiming time that's already there.

Excuse #1: “I Don’t Have Time.”

Reality check: Even if you're juggling a million things, you do have time. You just need to look at your schedule differently. Maybe it's 10 minutes before everyone wakes up or while your kids are engrossed in an episode of their favorite cartoon. Those moments are golden opportunities.

Excuse #2: “My Kids Need Me All the Time.”

Of course, they do! But that doesn’t mean you have to be 100% available every second. There’s a difference between being present and being burnt out. By taking time for yourself, you’re not neglecting them; you’re setting an example by showing the importance of balance.

Excuse #3: “I Feel Guilty.”

It's totally normal to feel guilty for wanting some time away from the kids. But think of it this way: when you're stressed or run-down, your kids feel it. In fact, taking time for self-care isn’t just beneficial for you—it benefits your children as well by ensuring you're at your best.

Practical Tips for Solo Parents to Find Time for Themselves

Let's get down to the nitty-gritty: how do you actually find time for yourself while raising kids on your own? Here are some practical tips to help you get started.

1. Early Mornings or Late Evenings Are Your Friends

This one sounds rough at first, but hear me out: Sometimes the best time to squeeze in a moment of solitude is when the house is asleep. It might mean waking up 30 minutes earlier or going to bed a little later than the kids. Use that time to do something just for you—whether it's reading, drinking coffee in peace, or enjoying a home yoga session.

Actionable Tip: Set an alarm for 30 minutes before your kids wake up. Use that time to journal, meditate, or just breathe.

2. Embrace Nap Time (Or Quiet Time)

If your children are still young enough to nap, this is your golden window. Instead of using nap time to power through chores or catch up on work, allow yourself to rest or indulge in something that makes you happy. If your kids are older, establish a “quiet time” in the afternoon where they can play independently or read while you take a breather.

Actionable Tip: Set a routine where nap time or quiet time means relaxation for everyone, including you!

3. Let Go of Perfectionism

Guess what? The house doesn’t always have to be spotless. Sometimes, it’s okay to let the dishes sit in the sink if it means you can finally stretch out on the couch and give yourself a mental break. You don’t need to be a superhero all the time. Your wellbeing is more important than a perfectly clean home.

Actionable Tip: Give yourself permission to delegate tasks or leave non-urgent chores for later. A little mess won’t hurt—but burnout will.

4. Ask for Help (And Don’t Feel Guilty About It)

Just because you're raising your kids on your own doesn’t mean you have to do everything solo. Whether it’s asking a family member, friend, or neighbor for assistance, don’t be afraid to reach out. You’d be surprised how willing people are to lend a hand if you just ask. Don't let pride or guilt stand in your way.

Actionable Tip: Set up a regular time where a family member or trusted friend babysits. Even an hour is enough for some much-needed "me time."

5. Include Your Kids in Your Self-Care Routine

Who says self-care has to be alone? Sometimes integrating your children into your routine can be surprisingly effective. For example, you can stretch or do yoga while your little ones play beside you, or listen to your favorite music or podcast while cooking dinner together.

Actionable Tip: Engage your kids in a relaxing activity like coloring, and while they’re engrossed, take a few moments for yourself.

6. Be Strategic With Screen Time (Yes, It’s Okay!)

Screen time can be a lifesaver when you need a bit of downtime. There’s no shame in setting your kids up with an educational show while you pour yourself a hot cup of tea or catch up on a book. Just as you balance their screen time, balance your alone time too.

Actionable Tip: Designate a specific “screen time” slot where your kids can unwind, and you can have some uninterrupted ‘me time’ guilt-free.

7. Schedule Breaks in Advance

While spontaneous breaks are great, planning self-care time into your week can help guarantee it happens. A scheduled break is something you can look forward to without worries. Whether it’s setting up a standing coffee date with yourself or a regular weekend outing without the kids, knowing you have a break coming will help ease the day-to-day grind.

Actionable Tip: Block out “me time” in your calendar the same way you schedule important appointments. Treat it non-negotiably.

8. Simplify Your Routine

Sometimes, a jam-packed schedule is self-inflicted. Take a careful look at all the activities you’ve signed up for—are they all essential? Are there ways to streamline or cut back? The simpler your routine, the more time you’ll have to breathe.

Actionable Tip: Identify one non-essential task you can drop from your weekly routine. Use the time you gain to recharge.

9. Practice Mindfulness in the Moment

While it’s important to schedule 'me time', it's equally beneficial to find moments of mindfulness whenever possible. Being fully present—even during mundane tasks—can provide mini mental breaks that help reset your mind throughout the day. For example, focus on the sensation of washing dishes, or savor the taste of your morning coffee.

Actionable Tip: Use mindfulness apps or even simple breathing exercises to ground yourself in the moment, even during busy periods.

10. Join a Solo Mom Community

Being a single parent can, at times, feel isolating. But remember, you're not alone. There are many other solo parents out there who understand what you're going through. Finding supportive communities—whether online or in person—where you can share frustrations, victories, and tips can be incredibly validating and energizing.

Actionable Tip: Connect with online communities, like Facebook groups for solo parents, or attend local support groups for single moms and dads.

It's All About Balance

Finding time for yourself while raising kids on your own requires balance, and balance isn’t static. Some days you’re going to nail it. Other days, not so much. And that’s okay! It’s about being kind to yourself, recognizing that you’re doing the best you can, and making adjustments along the way. Prioritize your well-being because, in the end, taking care of yourself will only make you a more present and capable parent.

Remember—self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. You deserve it, and your kids will benefit from it, too.